


Growth of Pain

by HK44



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27917911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44
Summary: Remus looks in the mirror and sees a monster staring back at him.Peter watches his cousin throw magic around like an expert and steps deeper into the shadowed corner he always finds himself in.
Kudos: 1





	Growth of Pain

Remus looks in the mirror and sees a monster staring back at him and it’s the first scar he’s ever had on his face and he can’t bear to tell his mother the truth about how it got there.

Remus looks at his friends, so perfect and normal, and sees his scarred up hands and the pressure of his nails against his palms is a reminder of the scar on his cheek and he swore he wouldn’t do it again but he can’t help it.

Remus sits on the closed toilet seat while Peter kneels beside him, cleaning up and changing out his bandages and even though he frowns at the straight lines scars, he says nothing but just watches Remus a little harder the next few days and it’s almost enough to make him want to stop.

Remus cries when Peter shouts at him and his arms are bloody and his fingers shake and the blade drops to his feet and Peter cries and they both sob into each other before Peter drags him to the infirmary and he promises up and down to stop if Peter doesn’t tell.

Remus watches Peter draw intricate doodles all over his arms with non-toxic markers he smuggled from home and pauses to watch Peter turn some scars into flowers and blank spots of skin into red slashes with heavy pressure and it’s not the same but Peter’s smiling and it’s enough.

–

Peter watches his cousin throw magic around like an expert, laughing spells she hasn’t even been taught yet but wields like she’s been doing it her whole life and steps deeper into the shadowed corner he always finds himself in.

Peter admires his friends for being brilliant and brave and strong and when he sees himself in the mirror, he almost cries because he’s not tall or pretty or smart enough and there’s nothing he can do to fix it and it’s really just a countdown to the day where they realize and leave him.

Peter holds his breath for a month and doesn’t speak unless spoken to and it’s so easy because no one ever sees him and no one ever asks and even though he knows this, he still cries himself to sleep when he thinks of it and sometimes he considers walking down to the Whomping Willow just to see what happens.

Peter buries himself into his studies to think about anything that isn’t the war but it’s hard because the war is everywhere and it’s coming soon, so soon, and he can barely breathe without the consideration of death coming in at every angle and it would be so easy to fashion the dorm curtains into a noose.

Peter stares at his bloody hand and cries in the empty public restroom while Sirius’s voice still rings in his head and for the billionth time, he wonders why he had to be too much of a coward to die.


End file.
